What you will be reading below is information that I found on a medical website. These are not my own experiences. (I, does not refer to me personally).
Possible Emotions of the Abused
Anger and sadness - When I remember the things that happened, I often wonder how or why someone would do such a thing. I sometimes wonder if I have tendencies to become an abuser. This is very disconcerting. Studies indicate that many people who have been through some type of abuse often become abusers themselves. This leads to perhaps the core of why people are abused. The victim is treated like an object. Victims often end up viewing others as objects and unfortunately many become abusers themselves.
Blaming oneself - Physiologically, as child sexual abuse survivors, we try to regain a sense of childhood innocence that was lost. Forgiveness is difficult, both forgiving the culprit and forgiving myself.
Difficulty with acceptance - I often wonder if others will accept me once they find out about the abuse.
Expression of thoughts and feelings - I struggle with being sincere and genuine and I often feeling like I am hiding things.
Difficulty with acceptance - I often wonder if others will accept me once they find out about the abuse.
Expression of thoughts and feelings - I struggle with being sincere and genuine and I often feeling like I am hiding things. Difficulty with acceptance - I often wonder if others will accept me once they find out about the abuse.
Trust - I wonder whom I can trust, for how long and I find that I am often very slow to trust others.
Conditions Associated with Past Abuse
A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that develops for no apparent reason and that triggers severe physical reactions. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you're losing control, having a heart attack or even dying. You may have only one or two panic attacks in your lifetime. But if you have panic attacks frequently, it could mean that you have panic disorder, a type of chronic anxiety disorder. Panic attacks were once dismissed as nerves or stress, but they're now recognized as a real medical condition. Although panic attacks can significantly affect your quality of life, treatment — including medications, psychotherapy and relaxation techniques to help prevent or control panic attacks — is very effective.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you have unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to engage in repetitive behaviors (compulsions).. With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your distress. Obsessive-compulsive disorder often centers around themes, such as a fear of getting contaminated by germs. To ease your contamination fears, you may compulsively wash your hands until they're sore and chapped. Despite your efforts, the distressing thoughts of obsessive-compulsive disorder keep coming back. This leads to more ritualistic behavior — and a vicious cycle that's characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Depression is one of the most common health conditions in the world. Depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out of." Depression, formally called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, is a medical illness that involves the mind and body. It affects how you think and behave and can cause a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may not be able to go about your usual daily activities.
My Personal Experience Dealing with Past Abuse
I can completely relate to OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). As well as, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Anxiety-Panic Attack/Disorder. And also, bouts of depression. The worst part of my childhood abuse, as an adult, is to be, “labeled" so easily by others. I have taken the brunt of many personal attacks. People calling me vicious names, themselves diagnosing me as crazy. (When truly I am an adult product of child abuse). To those, walk a day in my shoes. I can guarantee that most would not have handled it as well as I have. Nor, be in the position I am in now, using my pain, to reach out and help the ones who feel alone. Hopeful to be an example, and aide others in their own healing process. So, if you are currently being abused or have been abused at some point in your life and you too are personally attacked. Stay strong!! You know who you are inside, God knows too, and that is really all that matters!! You should not feel ashamed by what was inflicted upon you. That being said, there is a place in the mind of an abused child. Where they go, allowing them to create "Coping Mechanisms," attempting to escape the pain and mask the abuse they are enduring. More-so, quietly keeping to themselves, hiding it away from others.
I believe that OCD was my first coping mechanism. When I was very young the obsessive/compulsion had very much to do with letters, words, numbers, counting. As I aged, my compulsions expanded. I still carried out the original methods (Rituals) and added even more. Which in turn, occupied more of my time. Such as, checking. I would go to leave my house and I would think, "did I unplug the hair dryer?" And then, once I was back in the house I would find other things which, "had to be checked." Then it snowballed from there. Everything had to be meticulous in my house. I would notice if one thing was out of place. My closet had to be completely organized with the clothes facing the same direction, often times color coded. It was not always the same method, but, “overly” organized nonetheless.For many years I carried that obsessive/compulsion with me. It took up an enormous amount of my time and energy. If I did not finish, or do everything "just right" (Although I knew it was not rational) I feared that harm, most likely death, would come to a loved one. I in turn would be at fault of whatever doom would occur. Therefore, I carried them out.
I WON THIS BATTLE, I tackled OCD!! (with much assistance from a workbook entitled, "Mind Over Mood," and also reading a book entitled, "The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing)." OCD has not been a part of who I am for at least the past 8 years. I realized it was, "mind over mood" and once I put things into perspective I began to overcome. Each of the books I listed are available at amazon.com and most likely many other sites or book stores. I highly recommend each of them! The more informed you are, the easier it is to realize that you truly are a survivor.
Anxiety Disorders. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Panic Disorder; I am not exactly sure of my age when I began experiencing panic attacks. I do know, I was still very young. I have had more difficultly over the years with these Anxiety Disorders than anything else. I do handle panic attacks much better than ever before. Most times I can pull my composure together and avoid a full blown panic attack. The only medicine that I take is for "instant relief." As for PTSD, and its prolonged effects on me is typically much anxiety. I do not believe that is something an individual can ever totally, “overcome.” Unfortunately, abuses which were perpetrated against me simply cannot be erased. There are memories which will always haunt me. That being said, I believe I do handle my PTSD very well. As for bouts of depression, there have been days in my life which I have broken down, begging, “Dear God, I plead with you, please allow me to have peace in death?” I felt as if my burden had became larger than, I, myself could ever be. Not believing I was strong. I have in fact cheated death. That was not God’s plan. I eventually understood, I am in fact much stronger than imaginable. Finally, a purpose for my suffering and what has felt like undying pain. I firmly believe there comes a time when everyone hits their own “personal” bottom. It happens in each ones lifetime (abused or not). Being, “individuals,” we are not each tested and tried in the same exact manner. Each depending on the amount of tests we receive and the magnitude of our own personal strengths. Just as no two people are exactly the same. No two people shall be tried exactly the same. Each “victim,” must strive to be a “survivor,“ and seek treatment. Whether it be therapy, medication, or a combination. I strongly advise EVERYONE who is abused seek treatment and understanding. I have taken several different avenues myself. Personally, medication made me feel as though my mind was in a fog. I have not taken any medication in many, many years. (other than what I need for immediate relief). I encourage others to not bottle their feelings inside. Speak out.
My experience with therapy was not always helpful. I would have to say, I was forced to remember horrible things, which in no way ever helped me heal. What I took away from therapy, was from the ONE doctor who actually asked me my dreams and goals. She told me, I was very articulate and her advice to me was, reach out and achieve my goals. I was reminded that, I AM bright enough to rise above and beyond. Responsible for making my own dreams come true. She made me believe in myself more than any human being ever has. This doctor did not treat me like some crazy person. She treated me like an encouraging, supportive friend. That is the type of therapist everyone needs. Not the type, who pull one into their cold office, and speak condescending towards the patient.
I know that I will never COMPLETELY overcome. It has taken many years to get where I am now. Even as I have been recalling, researching, for this endeavor to help others, I am healing. As I type these words, it is as if, I am releasing all that has lived inside of me. And, I feel as if a thousand pounds of cinder blocks are being lifted off of my shoulders, and out of my heart. The best advice I can give to someone else is; if you are being abused, or have been abused, tell someone. Your age does not matter. Releasing your emotions is what it is all about. Understand that abuse never discriminates. Do not lose sight of the fact that you are a wonderful person and whether or not you realize it, you are loved. Stay strong, do not ever carry on any abuse. Do your part, TO STOP THE VICIOUS CYCLE. The coward passes it on. The strong choose, to rise above, and persevere. And always remember, IT IS MIND OVER MOOD! You can conquer and become a SURVIVOR! If I can, trust me, YOU CAN BE A SURVIVOR TOO!!